Not everyone feels comfortable with their body and identity and that’s okay. While labels can help people define themselves, they can also put people in a box they struggle to get out of. This was the case with Surya*, a 40-year-old man who came in wanting to be a woman.

A married man, he would use cosmetics and female undergarments to feel like himself. Although he wanted to be a woman, he also felt guilty and didn’t want a permanent change since he loved his family and didn’t want to put them through any form of distress. He also researched natural forms of testosterone blockers and said that he consumes them to feel better. On further probing, he revealed that he was very lonely and living in fear since only one other person in his life knew his sexuality. Surya* was going through the dilemma as to what he wanted to do but didn’t want it to be permanent. Our psychologist focused on practicing self-compassion and acceptance that no matter what he identifies as, it’s okay. The mindfulness techniques helped Surya* be compassionate and kind to his own thoughts and feelings. After around 4 sessions with us, Surya* revealed that he was able to let go of the struggle in his mind even though it took a lot of his energy from his side.

Another issue he had was that he felt that he was constantly thinking about women’s undergarments and cosmetics and didn’t know what to do. He explained it as an urge that he felt like he had no control over. When Surya* expressed this, our psychologist helped him surf the urge by telling him to do nothing when the urge pops up or distract himself. Although he kept researching the products, his urge to buy them had stopped. Once progress was made, our psychologist encouraged him to attend events, participate in activities where he would feel more seen and heard. Events involving the queer circle and the LGBTQ+ community were introduced so that he could feel less alone and be more confident in his identity.

(*name changed for anonymity)