Silent Relationship Killers
There is only one thing you can control in a relationship: yourself!
Let us look at 11 most common relationship killers and how we can possibly go ahead to fix them
Most of us do know the obvious factors like infidelity or even lack of trust that can sabotage a relationship. Besides these, there are many more reasons which can erode and abrade a happy relationship but the problem is that these hardly catch our attention until it is way too late. Perhaps
it would not be wrong at all to refer to them as ‘silent killers’ because these are far too subtle to get noticed. You must save yourself and your partner from falling prey to such relationship killers if you are a little careful. So, do look out for these signs in order to protect your bond with your partner
from hitting the very rock bottom.
Harbouring and Fostering bitterness
When couples are in a long-term relationship or have been married for long, they do face this ingrained problem of harbouring hidden bitterness. According to many relationship experts, suppressed, repressed or unaddressed resentments can cause irreversible damage to a relationship.
It is very important to go ahead and express anger or even frustration because suppressed bitterness will come roaring out in the future and can in turn corrode a relationship.
Not talking about sexual desires
There are some people who shy away or fray from discussing their sexual needs with a partner.
Feeling sexually unsatisfied in a relationship is quite common but a lot of couples do not address this issue because of insecurity or fear or diffidence. However, unfulfilled desires could lead to low-self esteem, infidelity and more so resentment plus indignation. The only key solution to this problem is to talk about desires by letting your partner know what you want and what your intimate sexual needs are.
Assumption on various things
When couples boast and brag that they are so compatible that they can complete each other’s sentences, it can be a good as well as a bad sign. What they need to in fact question is can two people be so close that they know everything about each other to such an extent that they can
presumably read minds? Or is it just a comforting plus mere assumption? Sometimes, just assuming about a partner’s likes and dislikes and doing things according to that can do more harm to a relationship than good. Instead of assuming, it is way better and healthy if the partners let each other express.
When there are no surprises or shockers
Have you ever wondered what makes the initial days of a relationship so much more exciting and romantic? This is the golden phase in which the partners are discovering new things about each other and they are curious to know more too. The element of surprise makes a relationship far more
enticing and alluring. But with time, this sense of surprise tends to disappear and couples become less curious about each other. One of the ways to keep the very spark alive is by doing spontaneous
things for each other. For example, take your partner out for a dinner date when he or she is least expecting it or exchange sweet nothings when he or she least expects it out of you!
Taken for granted (not been acknowledged at all)
This is one unacknowledged factor that leads to cracks even in the most stable relationships. It is an innate human nature to take a person for granted when you are with him or her for a long time. So, how can you possibly stop that? One of the most effective ways to hold you back from being taken for granted is by breaking the very routine.
Uncomfortable and Unbearable Silence
Are you one of those couples who grow silent when there are issues in the relationship? According to experts, uncomfortable and intolerable silence can do more harm to a relationship than loud arguments possibly can. Most people take help of silence to avoid addressing problems. The best way to break this wall of silence is through communication. Make it a ground rule not to go to bed without sorting out differences.
It is more about ‘I’ than ‘we’
Selfishness and egotism is one unaddressed evil that has the full potential to ruin even the strongest relationship. The only way to get over this in built habit of thinking only about your interest is by prioritising what is best for the relationship.
“Sometimes we maintain silence to protect one beautiful relationship, but too much silence creates a distance in every beautiful relationship.” – unknown In a relationship, it is far too common for one or both partners to give the ‘silent treatment’ when they experience anger, disappointment, frustration, or any other kind of negative emotion directed towards the other.
Short periods of silence, before (sometimes, slowly) transitioning back to regular dialogue can be a positive thing; at times, we require some space to “clear our heads” and silence can do just that for
us. When these periods of silence become longer and say far more frequent it is a potential catalyst for a deteriorating and degrading relationship. The reason being that effective communication is arguably and notably the most essential component of any successful relationship!
Indifference towards needs, wants and desires
When you start ignoring your spouse because you just cannot care less, you know that there is work to be done. Couples should care about each other’s wants, needs, opinions and desires. When it makes no difference to you where your spouse is going or what they are experiencing, recognize
that there is a blockage. Part of love is showing concern and interest. Indifference brings aloofness and detachment.
Relationships require feeling; to love is an action not simply an emotion. The opposite of Indifference that is Empathy gives birth to connection. Be curious, be considerate, and be thoughtful.
Neglect towards warmth and Joy
All living things require care. A plant will twist and bend towards the warmth of the sun. If neglected, it will simply die. How much more must we give in terms of warmth, nourishment and in turn feed
our relationships if we want our bond to flourish and grow?
Relationships need to be nurtured. Loving words and loving gestures warm your spouse’s soul. Do something to signal that you are invested in your relationship. When you are in the company of others be sure to give attention to your spouse. Do not ignore him, do not discount her. The more
you put in the greater the joy, the greater will be the blessing.
Moodiness is an infliction of the inner compass
Moodiness is a relationship killer. (We are not speaking about a chemical imbalance, trauma, or when medication is required to be taken). It is true that we are under stress and in times of crises do cause tensions to erupt and flare up. Certainly, it is easy these days to be quite anxious. But it is in
times of challenge and provocation that we discover who we are.
We want to create calm within our homes when the world outside seems to be falling apart. Being temperamental, constantly snapping at your spouse, brooding, all inflict harm instead of offering stability and peace in a relationship. Somehow when we need to put on a smile for a boss or even
for a business meeting we manage. How hurtful it is to be greeted with a long face and one-word grunts as replies from a partner, only to hear laughter and long conversations when speaking with friends.
Leave your moodiness behind. Speak to your partner exactly as you would wish they would speak to you. Use your heart as your inner compass to express.
Disrespect is the most vicious Silent Killer
Small acts of scorn poison the atmosphere. Disdain for the way he drives, the way she tells a story, snowballs into disrespect. Qualities that you used to find quirky even endearing, are now annoyingly frustrating. Putdowns, rolling eyes and more so sarcastic barbs become the norm.
Reboot. Refresh. Reconnect. Do not allow yourself to fall into this very dark pit. Change will take work in both the heart and the mind. First, seek out the good qualities that you definitely know your spouse possesses. You saw them and you will see them yet again. Time may bring us towards suffering from disappointment and pain. Sometimes life is not what we thought it would be. Of course, there is grief and there is sadness. People sometimes crumble as well. But what lies beneath? Do remember the kindness, the sense of humour, the passion for life, the great story teller who loved to share? We all want to feel cherished and loved.
Stay away from sharp words. Notice when you act with disrespect. This means tone, thought and deed. No one wins when hearts are hurting and shame becomes the language of a conversation. Do small acts of kindness. Give words of affirmation. Hold on to the criticism. Work on seeing the good.
Go ahead and make your marriage your priority. Catch yourself from making these mistakes.
Live better. Laugh better. Love better.
Distance does not separate people, silence does!
Trishna Patnaik, a BSc (in Life Sciences) and MBA (in Marketing) by qualification but an artist by choice. A self-taught artist based in Mumbai, Trishna has been practising art for over 14 years. After she had a professional stint in various reputed corporates, she realised that she wanted to do something more meaningful. She found her true calling in her passion that is painting. Trishna is now a full-time professional painter pursuing her passion to create and explore to the fullest. She says, “It’s a road less travelled but a journey that I look forward to everyday.” Trishna also conducts painting workshops across Mumbai and other metropolitan cities of India. Trishna is an art therapist and healer. She works with clients on a one on one basis in Mumbai. Trishna fancies the art of creative writing and is dappling her hands in that too, to soak in the experience and have an engagement with readers, wanderers and thinkers.